Draw Me Please
by xXImmaMisfitXx
Summary: Izaya dies. Shizuo wants him back but isn't willing to admit it. Dark fic, sad themed, for you if you're looking for something rst summary and I'm not sure what to put to get your attention, just read it and feel the feels!Okay so first ever finished Shizaya fanfic(Or any other story/fanfic thing for that fact)Happy with result! Shizaya! Critics welcomed!/Worth it two-shot/
1. Chapter 1

"Izaya..."`

...

"Yo, Izaya"

...

"Oi, flea, get up"

...

The pesky brunnet kept ignoring me, and layed still on the cold pavemet ground. I nudged his limp body with the toe of my shoe but again he gave no response.

I began to get ticked off and stooped down to his level, cigrarrete loosely dangly from my mouth.

"Fucking answer me flea!" I growled annoyed, gripping one of his shoulders tightly, shaking him. His body simply moved with no protest to my hand, the raven haired bangs being shook to cover his eyes.

"FLEA."

I reached roughly down grabbing his jaw, to make him look at me and finally respond, but I instantly let go, dropping it back to the ground with a grimancing thud.

Cold.

Limp.

Lifeless.

His skin... I blinked in surprise. It was so cold.. Why the fuck was the flea that cold?..

My irritation had completley faded away, leaving me with nothing but curosity nipping at my skin.

"Izaya..." I called his name out to his deaf ears once more, slowly laying a hand against his cheek. The creamy white skin was so very cold and it only made me wonder exactly _why _was it that cold in the first place?

Was he out in the rain too long?

Is the pavement cold? Did laying on the pavement for too long make him cold?

He has his jacket on, yet no body heat seems to be left in his system. Like no blood was pulsing through his veins...

I reached out for one of his hands, my mind gone blank. He felt so frozen, and limp.

I entangled his hand with mine, rubbing his gently with my thumb, hoping to get some warmth coursing through him again. I had no idea why the flea wasn't moving or responding to anything, it made my head feel at lost and empty. I mean fuck, just get up already, I can't fucking kill you if you aren't acting ali-...alive...if you aren't acting alive...if you aren't...

He's dead?

The sudden realization shot through me I was surprised I didn't fall onto my back.

He can't be dead.

He's Orihara Izaya.

The flea.

My greatest enemy.

The one who I've been chasing after since I first met him.

The one I can't catch.

The only one who is able to go up against me.

He doesn't die.

He wont die.

He can't die.

...

But he's dead.

I stare down at the lifeless hand I'm still holding letting my eyes trail back up to his face.

His mouth his slighlty parted open, and his hair is covering his closed eyelids.

Slowly, cautiously, as if I'm unsure as to what exactly I'm doing, I sit down on my knees and grab his head, laying it on my lap without unlocking my grip of his hand. Without my command, my fingers brush against the bangs uncovering his eyes. The smooth cold skin nips at my finger tips, the cold feeling uninviting.

My stomach churns at the thought of how he must feel, body completley stripped of his warmth, and scoop him onto my lap.

His head lays against my shoulder, limbs just laying there against my chest as if they have no cause. I encircle my arms around him, hugging him tightly to my chest hopping to give him some of my warmth.

Rubbing his back gently I lean my head against his and close my eyes.

This isn't the flea. This isn't who I've spent countless hours chasing around the city screaming death threats and hurling vending machines at. This isn't the person who's seemed to waste day after day planning on how he'll ruin my life. This isn't Orihara Izaya. This isn't the person who is contstantly smirking and has an insulting comeback to everything I say. This isn't the man who's crushed so many peoples hearts and dreams, playing with them as if they were nothing but toys. This isn't the one who can endlessy tick me off with just a smirk. This isn't the information broker who knows everything about everyone.

This isn't him.

This is not Orihara Izaya.

This can't be him.

It cannot be him.

Izaya is full of life and energy and excitement. He would never let me get a single touch on him. He would never be in the same space as me for more than 20 minutes without running. He would have flicked out his stupid knife by now and made an attempt to slice me in half. He wouldn't just lay here on the ground...dead... This can't be him.

My mind feels numb, I'm not sure what to think at the moment, my thoughts rapidly trying to proccess themsleves out.

I pull away from him to get a look at his face, and I finally let go of his hand, using the one that held onto it so tightly to run a thumb on his cheek.

My arm brushes against his fur trim coat, the coat he wears every single day, the coat that belongs to him and only him.

I feel my body shake and I realize just how cold I am. Is it working? Is he stealing my heat from me to warm his own self up? I move my hand up under his shirt only to be greated with cold, hardness.

_I need to go now.._

One part of my mind whispers to me.

_NO. Fuck off! I'm not leaving. I don't want to leave. Not until this flea is in a condition to be killed again._

Another side of my mind protest back. I don't want to go, as to why I don't know, I just feel like I have to stay here and hold this tiny limp man and I'll regret it if I leave.

_I need to go... I need to go... I need to go right now before something bad happens._

Although one part of me wants to stay the other part just wants to run, run fast, and get away from the flea as soon as possible, leaving behind not only him but all the thoughts and feelings I have creeping up on me.

...

...

...

Numbly, my arms begin to shake.

I can't decipher one feeling from another, all my thoughts jumbled up and confused.

I feel something sudden leap into my chest, pounding hard against it until falling into my stomach curling up, making my palms feel sweaty and my arms weak. Is this emotion joy? Yes it must be.. Unconciously I smile. It has to be joy. The flea is dead, he's finally dead, finally gone, ridden off this earth.

I look down at him in my arms, the feeling hits against my chest harder.

I'm so happy it hurts.

I snicker dropping his body against the pavement standing up.

_Serves you right flea, you're finally fucking dead, who would have thought this day would ever come?_

I continue staring down at him, thinking to myself although I know he'll never hear.

_You're such a smug little bastard, I'm glad you're finally gone. There wont be anyone to piss me off and ruin my day anymore, I wont have to waste anytime chasing you out of my damn city. Stupid flea. Bastard. Louse. Dickhead. I'm so fucking happy that you're dead! _

I force this thoughts into my mind, although hatred doesn't spring into my chest like it usually does, blurring up my image as well as my mind. Instead, those other emotions keep bitng at my heart, making it pound harder and harder against my chest.

Its joy, its happiness, relief, satisfaction, so so so much happiness.

These are the things I'm feeling, now that the flea is dead, and his burdince has been lifted off my shoulders.

But...

Why...

He's been lifted off my shoulders... So why do I have the most heavy feeling dragging down my gut? I just must not be use to feeling so delighted. Since its such a new feeling I just don't know how to respond to it. So I respond to it like I would any other happy situation,

as I give the dead body one more glance before turning away walking in the opposite direction to my apartment I smile.

Its a forced smile, so very forced but it still symbolizes my happiness. So much happiness..

The sky in Ikebukoro is gray and dark as night time fall, covering the city.

I silently laugh aloud, the noise sounds strained and pathetic at first but slowly it turns louder, more sickened, filled with all of my happiness and relief at the moment. This is what I'm suppose to do! Laughing will help me get some of this happiness off my chest! And I'll be able to savor and enjoy the rest of it!

Yes!

I look forward into the city as I walk, the forced laughing sounding foreign to my ears.

My mind is still buzzed with numbess, the sound continuing and contiuning, desperate to get some of this beloved happiness off my chest.

A few hot tears forcefully stream out of my eyes as I contiue with the broken laugh. I hold the rest back not wanting them.

I'm so happy I'm crying. My body is doing everything it can to let some of this happiness out. The happiness that is gnawing and chewing at my gut trying to eat its way out.

The laughing dies down to small pathetic chuckles and I'm left with a slightly damp face.

_The flea is finally dead. _

_I'm so so so so so so so happy._

(((JUST INCASE SOMEONE IS STUPID OUT THERE AND DOES NOT KNOW THIS, I DO NOT OWN DURARARA OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT. DISCLAIMERRR~~. Sorry... I just don't want to get sued or anything .-.)))))


	2. Chapter 2

Back at my apartment I lay staring at the black tv. That damned flea is still in my mind. I feel like curling up and just sleeping, blocking him out, blocking the world out, blocking all this happiness out.

Its too much happiness.

I want to try to sleep some of this desperate happiness off. Then tomorrow I'll go out with a couple of my friends, probably Shinra, Celty, and Tom, to celebrate.

_Should I get up and go to my bed? What's the point? it seems so pointless. Doing anything right now seems pointless._

I ignored the feelings in my head, I must just be getting lazy. I can't let that happen. This feeling of lazyness is dragging me down.

I force myself to get off the couch, though it feels as in any moment my knees will buckle down leaving me to lie hopelessy on the ground.

_My emotions of happiness have really left me worn out today. If I keep it up like this I wont have any strength to chase that flea out of my city. _

That's right...The flea... Tomorrow, instead of going out to celebrate his death, I think I'll go out and chase him around, let him know who's the boss around here.

Once in my bedroom I shrug my vest off and undo my bowtie as well as a couple of my shirt buttons. I stop my motions wondering why I even bother, I'm just going to wake up in the morning to put the same outfit on, only to have that damned flea cut and rip it with his knife.

Stupid flea. I'm going to kill him one of these days. I'll kill him dead.

I sigh fusturated kicking my shoes off.

I'll make sure to chase him out of Tokyo tomorrow, so I wont ever have to deal with him again.

_You can't chase someone who's dead, Shizuo._

My own reality knocks me in the face and I feel my knees buckle in forcing me to sit down on my bed.

_Yeah yeah...I know...but that flea isn't dead... he can't be... He wont ever die, no matter how much I want him to._

Starting back on the task at hand I take my socks off, tossing them into one of the corners in the room.

_Then why am I so filled with happiness?_

My heart thuds against my chest as the happy feeling coldly boils back to life in my chest.

_If the fleas not dead, why are you so happy?_

...

The image of him lying limp in my arm flashes through my mind again.

The flea is dead, that's why I'm so happy, when did I ever think he wasn't?

So so very happy...

I toss my sunglasses off my face and curl up in the bed, not bothering to take off anything else.

My stomach feels sick and tight, twisting against itself over and over. Maybe I have to throw up. Maybe I'm sick. Probably from holding that fucking dead body against me for so long.

Regret is instantly thrown acrossed my mind. _Regret..._

_Maybe i should of stayed there longer... I shouldn't have left the flea... He's so cold, he needs warmed up. He needed me to warm him back to life. No no no, I should of smashed his skull against the concrete! Sh sh sh, respect for the dead Shizuo. That's all it is.._

I tightly close my eyes and clench my teeth, grabbing my pillow and tightly hugging it to my chest. I just need to stop thinking about this. That will make the huge knot in my chest go away.

Slowly, I feel my mind wonder off, thinking pointless thoughts that I am unaware of, all of them seem to include to flea, and a small _pang, _stinging sensation, as if his pale hands wrapped itself around my heart and gave it a tight squeeze is felt everytime I see his smug face. I'm so annoyed of him, even when he's dead...

I drift off into sleep, and before I know it, I'm dreaming.

_"Shizu~Chann" His sing song voice echos throughout my ears._

_Where am I? I look around to recognize this place as Ikebukuro. What the fuck is the flea doing in Ikebukuro, my city? I look over at him shooting him a daggering stare as anger fills me. But somethings different... This isn't what anger is suppose to feel like... And his face is featureless, I don't recognize a pair of eyes, lips, nose, anything.._

_Tch, whatever. Just punch him or throw a vending maching like you always do, I tell myself._

_"Shizu-chan, I'm bored~" He sighs. He lays his chin against one of his hands, now laying on the edge of a water fountain. _

_There are so many things I want to say, I want to shout out at him, but I'm just not sure what they are yet. _

_I blink my eyes for a second and he's gone. "Flea..." I breathed out, panic quickly filling me as I realize he left so suddenly from my life once again.._

_I shake my mouth parting, ready to call his name, to call him back to me, but he reappears once again, leaning against a tree, before disappearing, only to once again reappear waving to me beside a building, not letting me get in a proper reaction before disappearing, then reappering, and disappearing over and over._

_Anxiety begins to settle in and I'm too stunned to move or get in a word, only able to move my eyes to follow his every presence._

_Just stop!_

_Even in my dreams he's able to fuck around with me, messing with my head and emotions._

_"Shizuu~" I hear his voice whispered from behind me. I quickly spin around, relief filling me as I'm met with his face, a pair of life filled crimson eyes, an innocent grin, and pale nose decorating it._

_"I'm so finally glad its you Shizuo, I didn't think I'd be able to see you again after I died." _

_"Are you ready to admit to yourself that you missed me?" He questioned me, sweet smile still lingering with a tild of his head, looking almost too innocent but not so as to be out of his character. _

_My breath is uneven and steady as I search my mind for something to say._

_"You're my favorite one and only monster you know that? And its a good thing that you're a monster, even as unpredictable and over emotional as you are. And you're my monster, you got that?" _

_"I&z)a(~vy^a*" I go to say his name but it comes out as a jumbled broken unhuman like string of noise. My expression turns to concerning confusion at the fact that I cannot say his name, but a soft finger is pressed against my lips._

_"Shhh, you can't say that, not my name, it will only upset you more and you'll wake up, and I need to spend some more time with you."_

_"I&z)a(~vy^a*" I try again. He gives a small chuckle shaking his head._

_"I told you you can't say that, so stop trying before you break this dream I tried so hard to set up"_

_I feel his small arm wrapping around me and watch as he lays his head against my chest. _

_The image from earlier, when I was holding his dead body flickers into my mind and fear grips at my stomach._

_I rethink back to his cold touch, how limp he was, until he squeezes me back to the dream._

_"Shizuo, don't think of that, you'll wake up. Just pay attention to me, to right now. Don't wake up."_

_The image and thought refills my mind, replacing the warm comforting Izaya back with the dead unmoving one. Which one is real?_

_"Shhh, Shizzy you're thinking too much, stop that and pay attention to me. There's only one Izaya, and that's me so don't worry." Its almost as if he can read my thoughts- "I can"...Smug bastard. He chuckles lightly nuzzling my chest, which knocks me back to when I was staring down at him._

_I just wanted him to respond._

_I shouldn't have left._

_I should have warmed him up._

_Why.._

_Why did he die.._

_How..._

_Its impossible! _

_"I&z)a(~vy^a*!"_

_I want to call out to him._

_"I&z)a(~vy^a*!"_

_I want to be able to say his name._

_"I#$Z&*AY%A!"_

_I tighten my grip on Izaya my breathing picking up pace. _

_"Shizuo, stop!" Dream Izaya begs desperate and worried but I don't notice him._

_"I^z*a #y!a!"I try to plead out onto the sky, to the gods, to give him back._

_"Shizuo." His force is forceful and silences me for the moment, my heart pounding against my chest and ears as I begin to become sweaty and worried stricken._

_"Shizuo.." He repeats my name calmly, hugging me tightly, refusing to let go._

_"If you could draw one thing to life," The small man speaks up trying to distract me._

_"I*^ZA(A!" but I refuse to give up. My heart is hammering against me, my mind feels like its about to burst as I feel this dream land shatter away._

_"What would you draw?" _

_Everything begins to fade to white, his face becoming featureless again as I feel his warmth being lifted from me. He's being taken away from me again. I reach out desperatley pressing my hand firmly against my cheek, but only seeing, and feeling nothing._

_"IZAYAAAA" I cry his name with all these pent up emotions locked up in me, being forced to be happiness, suddenly changing._

_"If you could draw one thing to life," His voice repeats again, everything turning to white._

_My image becomes blurred with the white obscure scene as I can no longer seem him._

_"Would you draw me?"_

His voice is the last thing I hear before I'm shot back into reality, sitting staight up gripping the sheets.

My breath is coming out in short quickened gasps, my arms shaking heavily as I feel everything slip.

"IZAYAAAA!" I cry his name out again, just like in the dream, for once no hatred forcing it out, only the longing and pain I feel hammering in my chest.

_"If you could draw one thing to life," _His voice echoes inside me.

Yes! I shout inside my head back at him answering his unfinished question, scrambling out of my bed as my feelings are understood and recognized for what they are.

_"would you draw me?"_

Yes! I would draw you back to life if I could! "Izaya!" I scream his name again, as tears run down my cheeks blurring my vision causing me to trip and fall onto my knees, searching around blinded for what I'm looking for.

"I'll draw you back to life, Izaya, come back, come back!" I call out uselessly. My mind is in a delusional state at the moment and I can't stop myself, cant' control myself, wont snap myself back into sane reality. 

My hand knocks into a table sending it and its contents scattering to the floor. I hear pens and pencils rolling around and reach out for one, sniffling at the tears that contiue to pour out slipping down my chin and dripping onto the floor. I grab one of the pens and a sketchbook pulling them to me breathing franticlly as I open to a blank page.

"I-I-Izaya!" I sob his name out as a shaky hand presses the equally shaking pen against the paper as I blindly begin to draw.

This isn't happiness.

This is not happiness.

In no way will this feeling ever be happiness.

Dread.

Regret.

Sadness.

Longing.

Emptiness.

Hurt.

These could be described as this feeling.

This depression that's gnawing at my heart, thats been gnawing at it since I've seen Izaya Orihara dead on the ground.

"IZAYA. You can't leave me yet bastard!" I yell to no one once again, wanting nothing more than another chance. Another chance, one that I would be sure not to waste. I long to touch his skin, see his face, chase his body full of life throughout the city again.

I choke on my tears pathetically as I draw his hair, and his eyes, bright and full of that life. His lips mapped out next, one side tugged up into that cheshire like grin he always had. "Please come back" My voice is shaking as I call out to the picture. The drawing ends at his always visible milky white collarbone, that I now wish I could touch and feel never having a chance to before.

"Izaya.." Desperatley I say his name once more, dropping the drawing as tears begin to fall and splatter down on it. "Izaya" I want him to come back, I yearn for it more than anything. I don't bother wiping away the tears because I know they'll just contiue to come out.

I'm such a pathetic sight right now, but I can't even find a reason to care, the only feeling I'm able to feel is the heavy sadness that now lingers in me.

"..Izaya.."

His name is whispered from my lips again as I bury my head against my knees and arms, to cry my pain silently.

I feel small arms covered by a fur trimmed jacket encirlce around my neck. "Shhh Shizu-chan, there's no need to cry anymore, its okay."

My tear filled eyes widen and I look up from my knees to notice the sketch pad where he once was drawn lay blank and white again, and the warmth from the arms tightening against me, pressing himself against my back as he slowly falls to my knees and nuzzles me from behind.

"I'm here Shizu, I'm here, don't cry anymore, I promise everything is alright."

"Izaya," I repeat his name with a husky worn out voice, looking back at his crimson red eyes from behind me, feeling another tear slide out of my eye.

He smiles staring back into my mocha tear covered eyes reaching up to wipe the tear off my chin, inching closer to my side and closing his eyes as he lays his forehead against mine.

"Yes Shizu-chan, I'm here, I'll get rid of that pain in your chest."

A small sob escapes from my lips, as I close my eyes and lean against him, feeling his lips press against my wet nose.

"Just please stop saying my name before you wake up from this dream too."

((((Ooookkaayy first story/fanfic/shizaya/anything I've ever written and completed before, hope you liked it, reviews warmly accepted!(PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEREVIEW) Uhm there was another part I wanted to add to this as to kind of how long Shizuo is asleep or why he's asleep or whatever but I wasn't sure anyone would enjoy this to be longer than it already is, but whatevr, I hoped you liked it!))))


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